Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
