I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
