just come out here and I will go home with you...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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