I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
