I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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