He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
