she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
