just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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