It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
