This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i out mim tonsoeep
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
