Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
