8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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