Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
