just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
