I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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