I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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