You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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