I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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