If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
