I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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