I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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