thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
