woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
