I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
