First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
