Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
