remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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