she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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