Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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