It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
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Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
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Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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