he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Come see our sink grown plant.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
