you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize