So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
