i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
