I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
