I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
