Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
