I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
