Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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