I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize