If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
operation harelip BJ is a go
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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