? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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