doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
