Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She told me I should be a condom model.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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