Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
