How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
