I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
