who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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