i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
