Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
