I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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