What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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