I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
