I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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