dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All the doctor said was why
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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