DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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