Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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