if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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