she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
