I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
