Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just found puke in my bra..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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