Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
