You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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