Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
