ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
