some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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