My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
