new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
