Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
