Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Congratulations! We have a period
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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