Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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