My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
